Sons and Daughters who have no interest in the outdoors...

[Wise Old Owl]

I guess I am thick headed and dense, I realize my son really has no interest in the outdoors, camping, fishing,....whatever.

I have done my best to entice him. He even got his Eagle Award as I did, and although we have differences, he appeared to have a good time in scouting. Later only to discover that "his opinion" was opposite and was to appease me. In spite of "Do this for yourself" I said, to build his character and confidence.

Frankly I am disappointed, disillusioned, and bewildered about this turn of events, even several years later.

Two months ago I dropped off his backpack and gear, all cleaned up so he could have it nearby if he ever gets the urge.

My life time of preparing him for life, down the drain I feel. Very frustrated. I never saw this coming.
Just ranting I guess, anyone else run into this?

[Skidsteer]

How old is he?

[Kernel]

Same here, my 13 yo son loves hiking (we climbed Mt Lafayette this fall) but not my other 2 kids who won't even go for short day-hikes.

It did not just happen for hiking, but for hockey as well. I just had to let go...

[Wrangler88]

I am a son who got his Eagle Scout because my father pushed me to do it. I would have quit many times but he wouldn't let me. I only semi enjoyed scouts. I really liked the camping and some other activities but disliked many of the other scouts and activities because I thought they were stupid or childish. I was a Life Scout when I was 12 years old and the only reason it took me until a couple weeks before I turned 18 was that I put it off.

Looking back on it now, my Eagle Scout is one of, if not the best thing I've ever done in life. I owe most of that to my dad. I don't know how old your son is but maybe with time, he'll realize how important scouting and the outdoors was.

I don't get to get out backpacking nearly as much as I wish I could and mainly get my outdoor fix through this website. But I know without scouting I probably wouldn't care about the outdoors near as much. I encourage all parents to sign their children up for scouting. Looking back, it gave me some of the beat experiences of my life; whether I knew it then or not.

I hope your son comes to this realization as well. Just some thoughts.

[Feral Bill]

I feel for you. My son went through about four year period of not liking the outdoors (except sailing). Now, at 18, he is back at it. Yours may turn around yet. If not, I expect he'll find other constructive things to do.

[Namaste]

I know the feeling. My oldest daughter HATED hiking and told me years later that she only did it for me. Oh well. She loves the outdoors but only if she is canoeing, kayaking or sailing. That's ok. I've got another daughter who is now 18 and LOVES backpacking. She's a great hiking partner and has done lots of sections with me. We are leaving Thurs. morning for a section hike, W. Virginia, since she has a couple of days off from school. I'll miss her when she goes off to college next year.

[Wise Old Owl]

How old is he?

He is now 22.

[Lone Wolf]

I guess I am thick headed and dense, I realize my son really has no interest in the outdoors, camping, fishing,....whatever.

I have done my best to entice him. He even got his Eagle Award as I did, and although we have differences, he appeared to have a good time in scouting. Later only to discover that "his opinion" was opposite and was to appease me. In spite of "Do this for yourself" I said, to build his character and confidence.

Frankly I am disappointed, disillusioned, and bewildered about this turn of events, even several years later.

Two months ago I dropped off his backpack and gear, all cleaned up so he could have it nearby if he ever gets the urge.

My life time of preparing him for life, down the drain I feel. Very frustrated. I never saw this coming.
Just ranting I guess, anyone else run into this?

sounds like you didn't want him to be his own man. shouldn't have tried to mold into what you wanted

[Deadeye]

Perhaps, Grasshopper, you are just Old Owl, and not yet wise.

Why are you "disappointed, disillusioned, and bewildered"? Did you try to prepare him for your life or his? You have your own passions in life - has he found his? If they're different, so be it. My two sons are very differnt from each other, and from me, as it should be, but we all have enough common ground to be able to enjoy each other's company, if not each other's passions.

[Phreak]

Perhaps, Grasshopper, you are just Old Owl, and not yet wise.

Why are you "disappointed, disillusioned, and bewildered"? Did you try to prepare him for your life or his? You have your own passions in life - has he found his? If they're different, so be it. My two sons are very differnt from each other, and from me, as it should be, but we all have enough common ground to be able to enjoy each other's company, if not each other's passions.

Well said!

[Sierra Echo]

Well at least WOW paid attention to his kid. My parents didn't have much interest in me. My brother, the athlete and all around goody two shoes, was the one who got all the attention. Back then it didn't bother me because I didn't have any interest in the rest of my family. But sometimes I wonder how things might be different if I had had a better family life.

[Wise Old Owl]

sounds like you didn't want him to be his own man. shouldn't have tried to mold into what you wanted

Actually 1 night a week and 1 week per year is not a lot to ask for a dad to spend time with a son. He is his own man, just not what anyone thought. - Most of the time I worked my ass off at nights. I spent the quality time as best as I could.

[Skidsteer]

He is now 22.

Let him make his mark on the world the best way he knows how. If he never goes hiking again, big deal; That's just what you want him to do. He's trying to show his character and confidence by following his own path, which is right.

[Wise Old Owl]

Perhaps, Grasshopper, you are just Old Owl, and not yet wise.

Why are you "disappointed, disillusioned, and bewildered"? Did you try to prepare him for your life or his? You have your own passions in life - has he found his? If they're different, so be it. My two sons are very differnt from each other, and from me, as it should be, but we all have enough common ground to be able to enjoy each other's company, if not each other's passions.

Not really Phreak, WOO is a trail name due to my interest in Raptors - birds of Prey. I can spot them in trees and the air when others can't. As for the rest...

Deanna and I worked very hard together to prepare him for life, School, family, cooking, doing bills. fixing a engine, repairing stuff etc. Can't begin to tell you how badly this all turned out. There's NO common ground or company, and won't be for a long time.

[Skidsteer]

Not really Phreak, WOO is a trail name due to my interest in Raptors - birds of Prey. I can spot them in trees and the air when others can't. As for the rest...

Deanna and I worked very hard together to prepare him for life, School, family, cooking, doing bills. fixing a engine, repairing stuff etc. Can't begin to tell you how badly this all turned out. There's NO common ground or company, and won't be for a long time.

I don't get it. Is there more going on?

Why get upset that he won't go hiking with you? Take him out to eat or go see a movie, concert, or ballgame or something. Or just sit and talk on the porch.

[Limo]

I went through the same thing with my older son. He's 22 now, but when he was 17 he flatly told me that earning Eagle was "too much work." I cried about it for several days, because I was sure he could do it, and he certainly had the leadership skills. He liked the scout camping trips. He liked hanging out with his friends. He was a fine SPL, in fact. He also served on a campstaff for 6 years. He's a great young man, but the outdoors just doesn't light him up. Even my younger son, now 20, who did earn Eagle and likes the outdoors, is just not into it right now. His plate is full with college, his girlfriend, and with all the opportunities and possibilities of life before him. I was right about their age when I backed off from trail life, too. There were just so many other things that I wanted to do. I started camping again when our boys were small, dragging my husband along kicking and screaming. It's not for him. Now that the boys are older and I don't have so much responsibility at home, I'm back on the trail. And I think that's a very typical life curve for hikers who do the more or less usual things in life including education, career, family, etc. Your son may or may not get back into the outdoors. That's really up to him. Don't mourn what you think he should be doing. Instead, be excited about everything before him and all the things he'll discover about himself. Just stay connected. This is just another phase of parenting. And it's not too bad. I really like it!

[Uncle Cranky]

I came from a "Scout" family.
I had tree brothers who became Eagles.
I also had an older brother who was a Scout "under achiever" just like me.
I was in for 5 years and became a Life Scout.
And another 3 years in Sea Scouts and never made any rank!
My older brother was a Boy Scout for three years and never made Tenderfoot!!!
Every one of us had a great time no matter what we achieved.
Of the five boys I'm the only one who continued his Scout involvement.
Ive been a Cub Scout Den leader and an ASM with three different Troops.
All together I've been involved for nearly 30 years in Scouting.
I hope the young boys I've been involved with get as much out of Scouting as I did.
My "Eagle" brothers have never continued their Scout involvement and I don't fault them for that.
I had two sons and I made sure they were involved in Scouts hoping they would love the outdoors as much as I do.
My oldest son made First Class and dropped out after a year...said he hated camping.
Was I disappointed...sure...but I also love my son and let him know I wasn't going to make him do something he disliked.
I took my youngest son through the program all the way from Tiger Cubs to Eagle.
Now when I ask if he wants to do a section on the AT he's indifferent.
He could care less if he ever spends another day in the woods.
Am I disappointed...yah...but I also love my son so I don't make a fuss I let him know that's all right I'll go on my own.
A few years ago my oldest boy joined the Army.
He came back on his first leave and asked if I could take him on a mountain adventure.
I was shocked but I gladly took him on a section from Carvers gap to 19E.
He loved it.
On his next leave he wanted to go out again so we did Max Patch to Hot Springs.
He just got out of the Army and Thru hiked the AT this summer...was I disappointed...yah... I wanted to go too!!
I'll just have to wait and see what my youngest son decides to do now.

[skydog]

I made it all the way to Life Scout then school sports and everything else got in the way. The outdoors is a big part of scouting but also to obtain the rank of eagle scout you have got to get the merit badge of personal management, cit. of the world., communitcations, etc..so perhaps he found his niche in one of those other areas and scouting was a bigger part of his life then you think. Scouting is alot more then being in the outdoors.

[skinewmexico]

sounds like you didn't want him to be his own man. shouldn't have tried to mold into what you wanted

Really. What kind of parent tries to mold their child into the person they think they should be?

[Wise Old Owl]

I really appreciated all that have posted so far - thanks.