Venting My Frustrations (Caution: Long, Pitiful, Boring, and Irrelevant to your Hike)

[Undershaft]

My job sucks. The intra-office politics I have to deal with makes me want to climb the nearest Bell Tower with a rifle. Each day I am there I get more frustrated and angry. I don't know if I can last 3 more months. I don't know if I can last 3 more weeks. I'd love to just walk away, but my plans for the AT counted on me being employed until the end of March. If I quit now I'll be a couple grand short of where I need to be financially. I could still hike, but I would have less $$ for the trip and zero $$ for after the hike. This is not the position I want to be in.

My car sucks. I drive an ancient Lincoln Mark VII that is slowly and steadily falling to pieces. In the past week it's developed an 8 inch crack in the windshield and half the exhaust has rotted away and fallen apart. The exhaust system is now held together with a little bit of wire and a lot of optimism. The transmission hasn't functioned in 4th gear since last spring, and 3rd gear is becoming more tenuous each day. The wires are bad and the engine skips. It needs to warm up for at least 20 minutes each trip if I want to entertain any hope of driving normally. If there is 1/4 inch of snow on the ground the car becomes less than useless, in fact it becomes scary. Oh, and the speakers crapped out so I can't listen to the radio anymore.

It's a 40 mile roundtrip drive to work each day. If I can't drive to work, I won't have enough $$ to thru-hike. If I fix my car so I can get to work reliably or get a new car, I won't have enough $$ left to go hiking. Kind of a Catch-22.

My body sucks. About two weeks ago I started to get a chronic pain in my left leg. It hurts when I sit. It hurts when I stand. It hurts when I walk. Sometimes it hurts so bad I can't concentrate on anything but the pain. It has started to effect my job performance and overall happiness. I have not injured my leg (in any way that I know of) and I don't know what is causing this problem. I do not have health insurance because I got frustrated and gave up after dealing with endless circles of bureaucracy and red tape for 2 years. (Massachusetts has a law that all must be insured and provides subsidized health plans to that end, but after two years of being on this plan I still hadn't been able to get an appointment to have a physical with a PCP and gave up.) I need to see a doctor. I will have to pay for it out of my hiking fund. I'm sure it will be very expensive and deplete a hefty amount of $$ from my hiking fund. If I do not get my leg fixed, I probably won't be able to hike. If I do get my leg fixed (providing it can be fixed), I might not have any $$ left to go hiking with. Another Catch-22.


My wonderful, perfect plan to thru-hike the AT in 2011 is crumbling into nothing. I no longer have a coherent plan to hike this year. I am no longer confident that I will be physically able to hike.


It was all so perfect. I'm (more or less) Single, some money in the bank, no kids, no pets, no morgage, no debt, no obligations. A dead end job, dead end relationship, and a dead end life of crappy, worthless possessions all of which I'm prepared and eager to walk away from. I love the mountains, I love the forests, I love walking and camping, I love the idea of Thru-Hiking the Appalachian Trail. All of the day, weekend, and section hikes I've done on the AT have been great, fantastic even, but its just not the same. I don't really want another hiking vacation, I want the hiking trip of a lifetime! I want to hike up the Approach Trail, down the Knife Edge, and into a Brand New Life featuring a Brand New Me. There is something special about a continuous Thru-Hike of the AT. I've seen it in the eyes of the other hikers, in their shelter register entries, in that first thru-hiker journal I read 15 years ago....


Two weeks from tomorrow I will acknowledge my 34th birthday. Today I may have to acknowledge the fact that I probably will not thru-hike the Appalachian Trail. Fifteen years ago I dreamed about thru-hiking the AT, ten years ago I wanted it, five years ago I needed it. Two years ago the stars aligned, the time was finally right, and I made the realization of that dream/want/need my primary goal in life. Two years of hard work, focus and saving flushed down the Bowl like the greasy sandwich I ate on Tuesday.


It is now 5 o'clock in the morning. I have been awake, sober, and in constant physical pain since midnight. Good Luck and Godspeed Class of 2011; May you have good weather, good views, good laughs, good loves, and great drinks!

[Cookerhiker]

Sorry for what you're going through. It seems to me your first priority should be your health. Get that leg examined and go from there.

Don't give up the dream of thruhiking. Even if it doesn't occur until you're in your 50s and 60s, it can still be done.

[Awol1970]

Get the leg looked at. Could be Deep Vein Thrombosis. Potentially fatal. It's what Capt. Phil had in Deadliest catch.

[bfayer]

April is a ways off and right now you need to stop and take a breath. Then talk to your doctor about how you feel, and form a plan to get you better so you can hike.

Climbing a clock tower will not get you to Katahdin, but planning and hard work just might. As for the pain, I had a lot of success with physical therapy, but like I said form a plan with the doctor.

Keep your eye on the ball and please go talk to someone.

As for the car, have you though about selling the Lincoln and buying a used Honda. It will get better gas mileage while you are still working, which will save some money, and then sell it when you get ready to hike. Used Honda's hold their value and you can probably get out of it what you paid for it. Also since gas prices are going up, you may be able to get more for it in April. Just a thought.

[Trailbender]

To be totally blunt, I would start as early as you can. Get medical treatment first and foremost, have them send you a bill later. Your life is more important than money. I did my thru on $2400, I probably could have done it much cheaper. If this is that important to you, do what it takes. Even if you have zero money at the end, you will know what to do, trust me. Do not let money stand in the way of your dream, it is just green paper. Live your life.

I did my thru in 2010, and I have considered just dropping out of school and living on the AT. I am getting a Geology degree, so I will have plenty of outdoor time, so knowing that helps.

[Kel, the "Stickman"]

Sorry to hear you are having troubles... seems like they chase us when we begin chasing our dreams, but don't give up! Adversity, now, will make the victory so much sweeter!

I also had hopes to attempt again this year, but will also look forward to 2012... so... if you don't make the trail this year, I will see you on the AT next year! Keep pushing on! God Bless!

[10-K]

About life: The way things are is not the way they'll always be.

[Tilly]

Hey Undershaft,

You REALLY need to go to the doctor. That kind of pain isn't normal.

Are you able to obtain a different type of job? One closer to home? Or move closer to work? In the meantime try to mentally disconnect from all the crap that goes on there and concentrate on yourself.

The trail will be there when you are ready for it. Hang in there.

[RGB]

My body sucks. About two weeks ago I started to get a chronic pain in my left leg. It hurts when I sit. It hurts when I stand. It hurts when I walk. Sometimes it hurts so bad I can't concentrate on anything but the pain. It has started to effect my job performance and overall happiness. I have not injured my leg (in any way that I know of) and I don't know what is causing this problem. I do not have health insurance because I got frustrated and gave up after dealing with endless circles of bureaucracy and red tape for 2 years. (Massachusetts has a law that all must be insured and provides subsidized health plans to that end, but after two years of being on this plan I still hadn't been able to get an appointment to have a physical with a PCP and gave up.) I need to see a doctor. I will have to pay for it out of my hiking fund. I'm sure it will be very expensive and deplete a hefty amount of $$ from my hiking fund. If I do not get my leg fixed, I probably won't be able to hike. If I do get my leg fixed (providing it can be fixed), I might not have any $$ left to go hiking with. Another Catch-22.

Since the 1950's, people have perpetuated the myth that you need to be behind a cubicle to be making something of yourself. This is complete and utter bull*****. The reason people think we're crazy when we want to do something unorthodox, say, hike the AT, is because they secretly are miserable, desire the same change, but are too cowardly to ever do something so drastic, so they wonder why anyone else would.

This type of pain is not uncommon from people that spend their lives at cubicles and could be thrombosis. No one ever thinks that working at a cubicle can kill but it is an occupational hazard. We were not meant to be sedentary like that.

Quit your job.

[Monkeyboy]

First, I'd have to say that the AT isn't going to change your life. It's going to change the way you look at life. BIG difference. It will allow you to put into perspective what really matters and what doesn't.

Second..........OMG.......A government mandated system that totally sucks due to the BS red tape that will actually cost me more in the long run and gives me crappier service???? I'm glad I don't have that mandated on me.

Oh, wait..........I do. Nevermind.

[Sailor (The other one)]

1. Leg pain: I'm a massage therapist and personal trainer. I work in a chiropractor's office. One possibility is your pain is a sciatic nerve problem, which is common among people who sit a lot. But it cpould also be any of a number of other things. definitely get it checked out. If an MD can't pin it down or says its sciatic nerve related, you might be better of treated by a chiropractor and/or massage therapist. Since you're self-pay, this would also be less expensive.
2. When I got back into backpacking a few years ago all I could afford for gear was a bunch of heavy, old, military surplus gear. On my first SAT section my pack weighed 50 lbs with food b ut no water. We could only average a pathetic 2.5 miles a day, being also old and fat.

[Sailor (The other one)]

Sorry, didn't get to finish.
Anyway, despite the heavy old gear and low mileage, I LOVED it and if that's all the gear I could afford, I'd hike anyway.
So if you have less money for your hike, but you can still do your hike, then if I was in your shoes I'd get the leg fixed and blow town. You are easily young enough to start fresh with nothing after your hike and do just fine. I've doens imilar leave-it-all-behind stuff several times and here I am old and owning all kinds of stuff and remarried, starting a business on the side and own my own home, etc, etc.
Go for it.

[sbhikes]

I swear I started to get more aches and pains before my hike. It could be psychosomatic. Can you try going to a walk-in, free clinic (usually sliding scale so you might have to pay.) Just pay to have the doctor give you an opinion, an opinion that isn't wrapped up with insurance liability red tape we gotta do an expensive MRI, X-Rays, or whatever other expensive testing BS. Maybe it isn't anything to worry about.

A possibility to consider: Quit now. Start your hike a little earlier. Spend the time between now and then working some crap job close to home for basic needs. Get your needs as basic as you can. Eat only tuna sandwiches and lentil soup from now on. Live in your car if you can, or couch surf. Then hit the trail and go as far as you can until the money runs out.

[bulldog49]

I recommend you see someone about Depression. I say this as one with a family history of it and I see many signs of it in your narrative. Depression often results in physical ailments in addition to emotional ones. It could be a temporary situational condition or it could be chronic. If the former, your hike might cure it, if the latter it won't. In any case as others have suggested you should seek medical advice before undertaking your hike.

[mister krabs]

My job sucks. The intra-office politics I have to deal with makes me want to climb the nearest Bell Tower with a rifle. Each day I am there I get more frustrated and angry. I don't know if I can last 3 more months. I don't know if I can last 3 more weeks. I'd love to just walk away, but my plans for the AT counted on me being employed until the end of March. If I quit now I'll be a couple grand short of where I need to be financially. I could still hike, but I would have less $$ for the trip and zero $$ for after the hike. This is not the position I want to be in.

My car sucks. I drive an ancient Lincoln Mark VII that is slowly and steadily falling to pieces. In the past week it's developed an 8 inch crack in the windshield and half the exhaust has rotted away and fallen apart. The exhaust system is now held together with a little bit of wire and a lot of optimism. The transmission hasn't functioned in 4th gear since last spring, and 3rd gear is becoming more tenuous each day. The wires are bad and the engine skips. It needs to warm up for at least 20 minutes each trip if I want to entertain any hope of driving normally. If there is 1/4 inch of snow on the ground the car becomes less than useless, in fact it becomes scary. Oh, and the speakers crapped out so I can't listen to the radio anymore.

It's a 40 mile roundtrip drive to work each day. If I can't drive to work, I won't have enough $$ to thru-hike. If I fix my car so I can get to work reliably or get a new car, I won't have enough $$ left to go hiking. Kind of a Catch-22.

My body sucks. About two weeks ago I started to get a chronic pain in my left leg. It hurts when I sit. It hurts when I stand. It hurts when I walk. Sometimes it hurts so bad I can't concentrate on anything but the pain. It has started to effect my job performance and overall happiness. I have not injured my leg (in any way that I know of) and I don't know what is causing this problem. I do not have health insurance because I got frustrated and gave up after dealing with endless circles of bureaucracy and red tape for 2 years. (Massachusetts has a law that all must be insured and provides subsidized health plans to that end, but after two years of being on this plan I still hadn't been able to get an appointment to have a physical with a PCP and gave up.) I need to see a doctor. I will have to pay for it out of my hiking fund. I'm sure it will be very expensive and deplete a hefty amount of $$ from my hiking fund. If I do not get my leg fixed, I probably won't be able to hike. If I do get my leg fixed (providing it can be fixed), I might not have any $$ left to go hiking with. Another Catch-22.


My wonderful, perfect plan to thru-hike the AT in 2011 is crumbling into nothing. I no longer have a coherent plan to hike this year. I am no longer confident that I will be physically able to hike.


It was all so perfect. I'm (more or less) Single, some money in the bank, no kids, no pets, no morgage, no debt, no obligations. A dead end job, dead end relationship, and a dead end life of crappy, worthless possessions all of which I'm prepared and eager to walk away from. I love the mountains, I love the forests, I love walking and camping, I love the idea of Thru-Hiking the Appalachian Trail. All of the day, weekend, and section hikes I've done on the AT have been great, fantastic even, but its just not the same. I don't really want another hiking vacation, I want the hiking trip of a lifetime! I want to hike up the Approach Trail, down the Knife Edge, and into a Brand New Life featuring a Brand New Me. There is something special about a continuous Thru-Hike of the AT. I've seen it in the eyes of the other hikers, in their shelter register entries, in that first thru-hiker journal I read 15 years ago....


Two weeks from tomorrow I will acknowledge my 34th birthday. Today I may have to acknowledge the fact that I probably will not thru-hike the Appalachian Trail. Fifteen years ago I dreamed about thru-hiking the AT, ten years ago I wanted it, five years ago I needed it. Two years ago the stars aligned, the time was finally right, and I made the realization of that dream/want/need my primary goal in life. Two years of hard work, focus and saving flushed down the Bowl like the greasy sandwich I ate on Tuesday.


It is now 5 o'clock in the morning. I have been awake, sober, and in constant physical pain since midnight. Good Luck and Godspeed Class of 2011; May you have good weather, good views, good laughs, good loves, and great drinks!

2nd on the depression/anxiety thing. You should get it checked out. Things doesn't have to be as bad as you're making it out to be. Take hold of it spiraling out of control. Make a list, get back on that doctor thing, spend all your lunch hours on it if you have to. If that doesn't work, go to a clinic. Get them to check your leg and ask if you can get a mental health referral and some mild anti anxiety meds to see how you like them. Get 25$ used snow tires with good tread and put em on the back end of the hooptie. Throw a bag of cat litter in the trunk, a portable radio in the front seat then keep driving it to work until it dies and hit the trail then.

When you're ready to quit, take this to heart.

[Trailbender]

Sorry, didn't get to finish.
Anyway, despite the heavy old gear and low mileage, I LOVED it and if that's all the gear I could afford, I'd hike anyway.
So if you have less money for your hike, but you can still do your hike, then if I was in your shoes I'd get the leg fixed and blow town. You are easily young enough to start fresh with nothing after your hike and do just fine. I've doens imilar leave-it-all-behind stuff several times and here I am old and owning all kinds of stuff and remarried, starting a business on the side and own my own home, etc, etc.
Go for it.

You can get ultralight gear for cheap, as well. Synthetic clothes at thrift stores, a wal mart grease pot, a tarp. Only thing that would be really expensive would be a good sleeping bag and ground mat.

A possibility to consider: Quit now. Start your hike a little earlier. Spend the time between now and then working some crap job close to home for basic needs. Get your needs as basic as you can. Eat only tuna sandwiches and lentil soup from now on. Live in your car if you can, or couch surf. Then hit the trail and go as far as you can until the money runs out.

Rather than risking your health not eating wholesomely enough, you could consider food stamps or a food donation bank. Food stamps are like a debit card now, so the mobility is there.

I recommend you see someone about Depression. I say this as one with a family history of it and I see many signs of it in your narrative. Depression often results in physical ailments in addition to emotional ones. It could be a temporary situational condition or it could be chronic. If the former, your hike might cure it, if the latter it won't. In any case as others have suggested you should seek medical advice before undertaking your hike.

Agreed with this, but a thru made me realize a lot about myself and things I was thinking about doing.

[baddog]

Please follow the excellent responses already given. See the MD/Chiro/massage folks first. If it's an MD go further describing the "stress". Thats what I called the feelings you're having...for too many years. When the doc prescribed zoloft I said "you can call it depression if you want but I can never call it depression". So goes much of american male population. I needed more so I shopped til I found a (female) pysch nurse-practioner. She was better and cheaper than the several shrink docs I tried. Now I'm in very good shape on lexapo and reading some Dahli Lama books. I'm no Buhdist but boy that guy is good with simple, to the point ideas on how to get your soul settled. Your still young. Don't waste 3/4 of your life the way I did. Fix the bod and get your head's chemistry balanced. DO NOT WAIT-----DO IT NOW.

[Luddite]

ask if you can get a mental health referral and some mild anti anxiety meds to see how you like them.

Bad idea. Believe me you don't want to start taking that crap.

[mister krabs]

Bad idea. Believe me you don't want to start taking that crap.

I dunno, everybody is different. I took zoloft at the minimum dosage for about 8 months for anxiety/depression. It took the edge off. I stopped taking it when I got into a 4 day a week exercise routine. It was no big deal, but helped when I needed help.

[bulldog49]

Bad idea. Believe me you don't want to start taking that crap.

You are full of crap. Proper meds work, you just have find the one that is right for you.

Chronic Depression is a biological disease, a chemical imbalance in the brain. Medication can and does work.

This is the sort of thinking you expect from a Luddite.