How to get wife off back so I can hike?

[nufsaid]

Looking back now, I'll bet you wish you had just gotten yourself a couple of cats instead of all those kids. I've had both, and the cats are a lot less trouble and a lot cheaper.

litefoot 2000

Cats are even less trouble than dogs. But in my opinion dogs are more rewarding. Children can certainly be a pain in the a** at times, but in my experience they are more than worth the trouble. I have 2 boys and would not trade them for any amount of money.

[4eyedbuzzard]

No, they don't. The troop leader can do a family camping event and the dads and brothers can come then, but any other time it is women/girls only.

(I'm the troop leader for my 11 year old's troop since they were 1st grade Brownies.)

Well, not exactly. Men can actually be GS troop leaders, but they must have a female co-leader. Some 2% of GSA leaders are men. And often it is the husband of a female co-leader, but sometimes it's a single dad, or any dad who wants to be involved in their daughter's scouting activities and the organization. There are some segregation rules in effect as to camping areas, cohabitation in tents, shelters, etc., and bathroom facilities (if there are any). But it is definitely not forbidden for male leaders to participate.

I became a GSA leader along with my wife in the 90's. Our two daughters were scouts. I handled a lot of troop logistics and annual cookie sale work and some regular meeting and organizational stuff and also helped build parade floats and such for the town's annual Memorial Day Parade. I will admit to shying away from some of the the camp outs and the summer camp though. I like hiking and camping with my own girls (and sons), but put them together with a dozen of their screechy little friends and I'll usually take a "pass".

[Delta-Dawn]

Well, not exactly. Men can actually be GS troop leaders, but they must have a female co-leader. Some 2% of GSA leaders are men. And often it is the husband of a female co-leader, but sometimes it's a single dad, or any dad who wants to be involved in their daughter's scouting activities and the organization. There are some segregation rules in effect as to camping areas, cohabitation in tents, shelters, etc., and bathroom facilities (if there are any). But it is definitely not forbidden for male leaders to participate.

I became a GSA leader along with my wife in the 90's. Our two daughters were scouts. I handled a lot of troop logistics and annual cookie sale work and some regular meeting and organizational stuff and also helped build parade floats and such for the town's annual Memorial Day Parade. I will admit to shying away from some of the the camp outs and the summer camp though. I like hiking and camping with my own girls (and sons), but put them together with a dozen of their screechy little friends and I'll usually take a "pass".

I would have done anything to have a dad like you around, but the leaders who head up our district make it very clear that they would never allow a male co-leader, even though yes, it is allowed. They just have ways around it. It is very vanilla here (the community is commonly referred to as East Snob), and the moms are PTA obsessive a wee bit, so they believe a man's place is with the boy scouts and at the girl scouts annual Father/Daughter dance and that's about it. I have lost a few girls to a more traditional troop because I take my troop 'outside' too much. Some one actually told me that! But oh well, you win some and you lose some, right?

[4eyedbuzzard]

I would have done anything to have a dad like you around, but the leaders who head up our district make it very clear that they would never allow a male co-leader, even though yes, it is allowed. They just have ways around it. It is very vanilla here (the community is commonly referred to as East Snob), and the moms are PTA obsessive a wee bit, so they believe a man's place is with the boy scouts and at the girl scouts annual Father/Daughter dance and that's about it. I have lost a few girls to a more traditional troop because I take my troop 'outside' too much. Some one actually told me that! But oh well, you win some and you lose some, right?

Their loss!
I've always been aware of the "prohibition" in some people's minds, yet it always struck me as kind of sexist that most cub scout troops are run by den mothers, not dads, and men don't bat an eye, but girl scout or brownie troops are rarely if ever run by men, and loads of people think it is somehow "unmasculine" or something for a man to do so. Just old fashioned stereotyping. Given the difficulty of getting parents to truly participate in either organization, other than just dropping the kids off, you would think they'd welcome all the help they could get.

[WI_Mike]

"I am for diversity - but it has NO place in the Boy Scout Organization."

"They do teach diversity!"

???

I am unsure about your post, I am not a spokes-person for the group. But I will say this after being yelled at by proactive ignorant Lesbian's in front of my 16 Year old son who was selling popcorn at an ACME.

I have absolutely no position about anyone's personal lifestyle until it impacts that of a MY child. It is a Judah Christian BOYS organization that believes in moral growth and educating responsible boys to becoming leaders. They can choose their lifestyle after they leave. (18 Years old) I am for diversity - but it has NO place in the Boy Scout Organization. They are clearly trying their best to avoid what happened to the Catholic clergy here in Philadelphia.

That's my opinion. This is a blog, I am still a nice guy. Read and soft delete it if you must. I have been insulted & embarrassed repeatedly by an outspoken minority, Who up to recently, I thought were my friends.

They do teach diversity! White, Black, Hispanic, there is no shame here!

Guess you hit a nerve - it wasn't personal, back to the chat around the campfire.

[hikerhobs]

You say, honey i'm going hiking see ya in a couple of days.

[wolf]

i am a section hiker who has been doin it well before i was blessed with the wife and children. Man oh man, i can't do **** any more. For me to get out on a hike requires an act of congress. It's not like my wife does not understand- we got engaged on the at at bear rocks in pa. I know good things come to those who wait, i read " zen 24/7", i know having a 2,4, and 5 yr old is hard. But i work hard and am well behaved. Jfc.

So this post is part toung and cheek, and part ***. Let it be a lesson to all of you young bucks, kids change everything. I do look to the future of raising little hikers. They can already hike farther than any other kids i know. Life is really good. Just needed to blow off some steam. Hike on friends

if i would you i would kick her out,i you do what you want to do

[sbhikes]

You say, honey i'm going hiking see ya in a couple of days.

I've been sensing a lot of unstated resentment when I say that in my house.

I've instead been trying to phrase it Honey, I was thinking of going backpacking to X this weekend, do you want to go with me?

Still doesn't seem to work, though.

[ScottP]

http://local.yodle.com/articles/wp-c...ce-posters.jpg

[turtle fast]

Jewelry...bright shiny object(s) are helpful in assisting your case or outright bribery in other guys cases....it depends on the gal.

[Kia Kaha]

Lot of good advice on here. You just need to accept that with a family you will not have all the free time you once did if any. Just do the best you can and get your family involved as much as possible. I have 6 kids and they absolutely love going camping and hiking, it's a lot of work, but well worth it to get them away from the video games, tv, etc. I have 3 boys in Scouting and they love it, I also am involved with it. My wife and I still manage to eek out a few weekends a year and talk of our goals for an AT thru and hiking in New Zealand (her home country) on the trail. Doing as much as you can is enough when you have kids, they are well worth the trade off. Keep posting here, forums help scratch the itch a little, I am new here, but have been on the backpacker mag site for years, it's nice to chat with like minded folks.

Good luck and just keep at it.

[mweinstone]

wow. your wifes been on your back a long time. wait. you dont really have a wife do you? that what this is all about.

[johnnyjohnson2043]

I got a divorce. That freed up my time for hiking. On the other hand, I didn't want the divorce and it had absolutely nothing to do with hiking...sigh...To be perfectly clear, I would never wish divorce onto anyone unless there was absolutely no way of working through the issues. Divorce has played a major roll in my life (my parents, my siblings and myself) so I don't take the subject lightly. On the other hand, one thing I realized about my own marriage was that I was allowing it to control my life. I never did those things that I truly loved because I felt that it would ruin my relationship. Looks like I was wrong. One of the many things that ruined that relationship was the fact that I wasn't doing the things that I truly loved (backpacking). I would always talk and dream about it but never actually do it. There are many people on this forum that successfully balance their love of hiking and marriage/parenthood. I learned this lesson too late but am taking advantage of my new single status to thru-hike the AT. I am who I am. (Totally not a lecture, by the way, just advice from someone who has experience on this subject matter.)

[Smile]

Sounds like someone has gotten her way WAY too often, and thinks she's in charge of every one else's life.

[soulrebel]

I'm in a similar boat. Things I do before I leave.

1) Make a buncha money and pay bills and hand her several hundred dollars
2) Pack my bag in secret and set it to the side in wait
3) quality day with family one or two days before I leave
4) Grocery shop/clean the house
5) Naughty time with wife
6) prepare a large batch of chili, stew, or precook a buncha meat so her meal prep is easier
7) Leave and return when I say I will-no contact while gone(nonews-goodnews). Only stating that I've arrived at trailhead and leaving trailhead via text.
8) Arrange a backup babysitter for break if i'm gone for more than 3 days.
9) OH yeah she gets to go on an equal trip at some point...I also offer her extra time to go do her thing in the weeks leading up to the trip.
10) I try not to talk about the trip TOO MUCH before/after---really hard to do.

--hmm think that's it...almost an act of congress

[DapperD]

I got a divorce. That freed up my time for hiking. On the other hand, I didn't want the divorce and it had absolutely nothing to do with hiking...sigh...To be perfectly clear, I would never wish divorce onto anyone unless there was absolutely no way of working through the issues. Divorce has played a major roll in my life (my parents, my siblings and myself) so I don't take the subject lightly. On the other hand, one thing I realized about my own marriage was that I was allowing it to control my life. I never did those things that I truly loved because I felt that it would ruin my relationship. Looks like I was wrong. One of the many things that ruined that relationship was the fact that I wasn't doing the things that I truly loved (backpacking). I would always talk and dream about it but never actually do it. There are many people on this forum that successfully balance their love of hiking and marriage/parenthood. I learned this lesson too late but am taking advantage of my new single status to thru-hike the AT. I am who I am. (Totally not a lecture, by the way, just advice from someone who has experience on this subject matter.)

Marriage and becoming married is something that always needs to be given the utmost thought and consideration. Many get married too fast and for all the wrong reasons. Marriage is a contract. For better or worse. Many get married way too young before they have a chance to live and really be able to discover who they really are and what they want out of life. Once their own kids enter into the picture/equation, a marriage becomes much more complicated. When a marriage begins to breakup and go onto the rocks and then disintegrates it is the children who will ultimately suffer from the breakup. It is proven that children from divorced homes don't fare as well. One needs to always be sure before they decide to become married and that marriage is the worthwhile thing to do.

[johnnyjohnson2043]

Marriage and becoming married is something that always needs to be given the utmost thought and consideration. Many get married too fast and for all the wrong reasons. Marriage is a contract. For better or worse. Many get married way too young before they have a chance to live and really be able to discover who they really are and what they want out of life. Once their own kids enter into the picture/equation, a marriage becomes much more complicated. When a marriage begins to breakup and go onto the rocks and then disintegrates it is the children who will ultimately suffer from the breakup. It is proven that children from divorced homes don't fare as well. One needs to always be sure before they decide to become married and that marriage is the worthwhile thing to do.

Thanks. No offense but I'm well aware of the consequences of divorce (I'm not gonna go into my 20 year history with it). Just remember that sometimes people grow apart. Mine lasted for six years. Things changed; we changed. Sometimes divorce is unavoidable. If I had it to do all over again, I would. It was great while it lasted and we had some amazing experiences but as I stated in my own post, I would never wish it upon someone else unless it were absolutely necessary.

[sbhikes]

I've been with my partner for over a decade, maybe 15 years. I think I'm set for a "divorce", too. At least I didn't bother to get married. All I have to do is get a new job out of town and I'm gone.

[johnnyjohnson2043]

I've been with my partner for over a decade, maybe 15 years. I think I'm set for a "divorce", too. At least I didn't bother to get married. All I have to do is get a new job out of town and I'm gone.

Sorry to hear that. These things are always tough, especially the first few months. I'm sure you've heard this already but you just have to take it day by day. Good luck on finding a new job.

BTW, I didn't mean to turn this thread into a divorce recovery group. I'm always open to talking about my own experiences and giving advice if I can, though.

[hikemikehike]

youre sober, by all accounts youre a good father, if youre still with her your wife must be beautiful on the inside and out. take care of your kids, raise them right until theyre ready to be a little more independent and you wont leave your wife with such a tremendous burden when you leave. Cimarron is 87 years old and hes out there hoofin it as we speak. youll be around and while and the AT isnt going anywhere. when you do finally get back out there youre gonna miss those kids and your wife more so than you would imagine. my hat goes off to you