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  1. #1

    Question Hiking without spouse - please share your thoughts or past experiences!

    Ladies!
    I've been section hiking the AT with my husband for the past 20 years and we've completed approx. 1427 miles together. It's taken us forever to get this far because we could only take a week or so of vacation time each year to hike. The problem is, he's become a lot less interested & lost motivation over the last few years as age, joint problems, and other interests have caught his attention. I'm 52, he's 61. My problem is, I'm still as interested as I was 20 yrs. ago, and just as passionate about finishing the whole thing. At one time I would have never considered this option, but lately I've been seriously thinking about going for it and completing the Trail on my own (CT thru ME). I could probably finish the remaining part in 2 months or so (I hope!) My present circumstances are such that I could probably take the time to finish my hike or at least knock out a portion of it this summer. My ideal was to have us both on top of Katahdin, having completed the whole thing together, but sadly, that may not happen. I also don't want to be 80 years old and trying to get through the Whites, yikes!

    Hiking without my husband is such an unfamiliar idea to contemplate that I don't even know the questions to ask. I'd love to have some feedback from those of you who have spouses that don't hike with you. Any comments are welcome.

  2. #2

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    My fiancé and I have been together for years and he is 15 yrs older. There is no way that he could hike the AT - nor is he interested in doing so. I am going solo next year on an AT thru and neither one of us have a problem with it. I wouldn't be with this man if he did not believe in letting me pursue my goals. I see no problem at all with you completing the AT in 2 months. Heck, I'll probably be gone 6-7 months. If your husband is worth being with at all, he will be proud of your accomplishment. If he uses the 2 months to have an affair (hey, it happens!) - would you really want him anyway?

  3. #3
    GoldenBear's Avatar
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    Wink Each time this question (or something similar) gets asked

    I simply tell my story

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    And, if you're curious, we just celebrated our 29th anniversary about ten days ago.

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    I hike more without my spouse than with. Whenever he feels like going he goes, otherwise he wishes me a fun time and just quietly worries from home. LOL.

    Lots of people tell me I shouldn't be out there alone but I've never felt scared or wary for a second.

    Live your dreams. Do what you feel passionate about. Life is way too short. We all leave this Earth eventually, whether or not we've done the things we wanted to. I personally prefer to die with no regrets. Happy hiking!!!! Maybe see you on the trails!!!!

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by WIAPilot View Post
    My fiancé and I have been together for years and he is 15 yrs older. There is no way that he could hike the AT - nor is he interested in doing so. I am going solo next year on an AT thru and neither one of us have a problem with it. I wouldn't be with this man if he did not believe in letting me pursue my goals. I see no problem at all with you completing the AT in 2 months. Heck, I'll probably be gone 6-7 months. If your husband is worth being with at all, he will be proud of your accomplishment. If he uses the 2 months to have an affair (hey, it happens!) - would you really want him anyway?
    I don't think he would try to stop me going and he would probably use the 2 months to sit on a couch, watch TV, and drink beer. He probably couldn't do much about meeting me at trail heads since he has to work. I finished our last section hike feeling as strong as ever, although it's been a couple of years since we last hiked, and I really believe I can do the rest IF I go at my own pace and IF I take advantage of the warm weather and longer days. But I will miss all the sharing we've done up to now - the views, the sense of accomplishment at the end of the day, the jokes, etc.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Train Wreck View Post
    I don't think he would try to stop me going and he would probably use the 2 months to sit on a couch, watch TV, and drink beer. He probably couldn't do much about meeting me at trail heads since he has to work. I finished our last section hike feeling as strong as ever, although it's been a couple of years since we last hiked, and I really believe I can do the rest IF I go at my own pace and IF I take advantage of the warm weather and longer days. But I will miss all the sharing we've done up to now - the views, the sense of accomplishment at the end of the day, the jokes, etc.
    With digital cameras and email and journals, you can still share all the wonderful things you experience. Trust me. He will miss you and have a healthy respect for everything you are to him in his life. I don't think that every man is cut out to be support. My fiancé is an awesome pilot, but support me on a thru?!! HA! Would never ever​ happen! And you know, I am absolutely fine with that. I think that as a rule, women are more inclined to be caregivers anyway.

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    Registered User Grampie's Avatar
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    Older woman hiking alone while their husband was at home was one of the suprising things learned on my thru-hike. I met probably 6-8 woman in the 45 to 60 age bracket doing a thru-hike alone because their husband couldn't for one reason or another.
    Grampie-N->2001

  8. #8

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    Enjoy not having to worry about who's watering the house plants or paying the bills while you're hiking. And don't be surprised if you get some mail drops that have things you really want in them, since he's hiked with you before.

    Getting to and from the starting point is also probably easier this way, though that might only mean getting a ride to the airport.

    You'll be able to go at your speed every day, and you won't have to worry about someone eating more than his share of the gorp.

    You'll find it much easier to have meaningful conversations with other hikers since a solo hiker can feel like a third wheel around a couple. (Of course there is a reverse side to this.)

    The downsides are that it's always your turn to filter the water, cook dinner and do the dishes, put up the tent, etc. And your pack weight just increased by about 5 pounds. You may find you're much more concerned about finding an area with cell phone reception than you used to be. It's a strange feeling to talk to a spouse from the middle of nowhere.

    I suggest you examine the tent and decide if you need something lighter before you start. Then concentrate on the good aspects and enjoy the hike!

    I've hiked with my spouse, with a friend, solo, and I've had my spouse hike solo without me. The experiences are very different, but all were good. Which one worked best depended on the exact day, place and time of day- in other words, each has it's own advantages and disadvantages (even staying home and shipping letters and mail drops). Best of all, all of them got me on the trail or as close to it as I could at the time.

  9. #9

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    Last year I hiked without my spouse of 30 years. He actually hiked the last leg of Georgia with e. This year he hiked the first week with me. I continued on. The biggest thing is we divided the weight of tent, food and some other stuff. I quickly found other hikers to hike with. So go for it. it will seem strange at first just because you are use to hiking with him and cooking etc. Just hikke maybe he will bring you some trail magic.

  10. #10

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    thumbs up Good luck!

  11. #11

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    My husband does not hike with me. My hiking buddies are my sister and a couple of good girlfriends. Funny...none of our husbands like backpacking but they all support us in our love/need to go hit the trail. The important thing is having something to share as a couple. My husband and I have a pop up camper and like to camp at state parks and play golf for several days at a time. We are also huge Saints and LSU football fanatics. He is my best friend, lover, golf buddy, sports buddy but not my hiking buddy.

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    Do you want / plan to hike with your husband after this adventure?

    The reason I ask is that until April, I had never hiked solo. I started at Springer with a partner (not my husband, although he was in the original plan) and ended up alone after a week.

    I really, really, really liked it. To the point I was concerned I would not enjoy hiking with my husband or with a preplanned partner again.

    Now, almost a month after my hike ended due to a family emergency, I’ve come to realize I would probably enjoy a long-distance hike with my husband. But I also came into my own as a hiker during this time. I will take a hike anyway I can get it from now on – solo, partnered, what-have-you.

    I guess I wanted to share that it was a difficult eye-opener to our relationship that I enjoyed being solo so much. But in the end, we’re a stronger team for it.

    You say the idea of unfamiliar to you. Are you scared/concerned about hiking solo? I was too. I ended up asking another hiking partner to join me and she wasn’t really digging the long-distance thing. She and I learned a lot from our week together and are still great friends and hiking partners.

    But while it would have been scarier to start without her, logistically it would have been easier. So if you are a seasoned hiker and know your stuff, don’t let uncomfortable/new situations hold you back.

    (Also +1 to all mentions of not having to worry about who is taking care of house/pets/etc. Except I hold purse strings in the family and still paid all our bills via mobile apps while on the trail.)

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    GO!

    My wife has no interest in backpacking, although she is very fit, just no interest. I currently go out for about 2 weeks in the spring and 2 in the fall, would like to start getting a 3rd hike in. As I head west to hike the logistics will get interesting.

    The time apart is great for our relationship. So far so good.

  14. #14

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    I've had undiagnosed thyroid issues since before we were married. I never really got treated for them until a couple of years ago, so exercise was murder for me. Lots of pain.

    I never really liked hiking with anyone, even my husband because I have a serious need to set my own pace. I should say that when we do hike or bike together, he is very good about going MY pace, but I still felt the pressure that I was holding him back. I did 13 of NH's 48 4000 footers between 1987 and 2010, and of those, I think only 3 or four were with my husband - Carrigain and Owl's Head stand out because those were backpacking trips. Those were also done with 1980's equipment - heavy!

    We did bike 1300 miles together in 2003, but I continued on to do a 3300 mile bike ride - and I did a lot better without the pressure of going at someone else's pace - I never went a lot faster than I did the flat parts of the first part of the ride, but could bike any amount of time I wanted to in a day, so it tended to be many more miles. (Also, I was in the mid part of the country - after the Rockies it really does get a whole lot flatter.)

    Luckily, he's not interested in hiking the AT, although I do expect he'll join me for some part of NH. Moosilauke to Franconia Notch would be nice, and on to Pinkham Notch if he wants.

    He's on his own for getting equipment though - I'm only collecting equipment this year for my AT hike!
    Quilteresq
    2013, hopefully.

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    Super Moderator Marta's Avatar
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    I was one of the women of a certain age hiking without my husband. To put it simply--I prefer hiking and he prefers biking. Sometimes I bike and sometimes he hikes, but the longer trips we do solo.

    As someone has already pointed out, the logistics are much easier when there's someone at home to take care of the house and mail packages to you!
    Last edited by Marta; 06-12-2012 at 10:24.
    If not NOW, then WHEN?

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  16. #16

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    I hiked the entire PCT solo and loved being solo. The longest time I spent out there was 3 months, twice. The rest were smaller pieces. I continue to solo section hike portions of the PCT I would like to see again as well as do hikes on other trails. I have found that if I plan a trip with my partner, he finds a way to shorten the trip so that we're not gone very long. Sometimes he finds a way to cancel it. I've come to realize that if I want to hike and do it my way and for as long as I want I have to plan it all myself and go without him.

    Meanwhile, he's been inspired to hike the PCT in bits and pieces himself. His longest section has been 300 miles and I can tell the experience made a huge impression on him. The most satisfying thing in the world for me has been for him to come to understand what the experience was like for me, the solo experience and the experience of the PCT in general. When I was solo out there I kept wishing he could be solo out there too so he'd know everything I saw and felt.

    I enjoyed sending the packages and doing Mission Control for him at home. I enjoyed driving out to the trailhead to bring him a few new pairs of shoes to try out. I enjoyed picking him up at the end. And I really really liked having the house to myself! So being the one left at home isn't really all that bad. I feel no guilt at all anymore about leaving him home. I'm betting he enjoys having the house to himself, too.
    Some knew me as Piper, others as just Diane.
    I hiked the PCT: Mexico to Mt. Shasta, 2008. Santa Barbara to Canada, 2009.

  17. #17

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    Thanks for all the great input and sharing from everyone so far! Keep on posting, I'm reading them all!
    And, I've decided to go for it! I'm planning for a 10-day trip to begin with, and see how the finances and other obligations work out. If everything works out on the home & financial fronts, maybe I'll get to continue after a short break. Regardless, I'll still get to do some respectable mileage and have my first experience with solo hiking. Yeah!

  18. #18

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    I hiked alone on my thru hike in 2009 and loved it. I texted or talked to my husband almost every day (you'd be surprised how much reception there is even in places like the 100 Mile Wilderness!) I loved being able to go at my own pace, and there were always other hikers around if I was looking for company. Glad you're going to go for it!
    Cheers!
    Zipper
    VA-ME VA-GA '09
    "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
    http://wildandwhiteblazing.com

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