How do you deal with worried family members.

[Semodex]

My sister told me today: "isn't anyone else worried about you hiking alone?" I don't feel afraid hiking by myself, but I am cautious. Just wondering how other women deal with this. Do you take mace or a taser to make family feel better? My sister is insisting I carry a taser...I love that she loves me and may buy one just to ease her mind.

[fizz3499]

I hike alone in the Ocala National forest and I always carry a knife on my belt. It comes in handy for lots of things, including my peace of mind.

[Coosa]

Neck Knife. And no knot in the cord, use a cord lock.

Get them to read Zach Davis' book Appalachian Trials.

Get them to read some Trail Journals ... it's not all 'that' dangerous if you're cautious.

Coosa

[DLP]

I'm on the West Coast. My family's biggest worry is bears. I carry a bear can (even when it isn't mandatory) and hearing that I got up yet another morning and bear barrel was exactly where I left it is reassuring to them.

I carry a SPOT. Granted this is my second SPOT. The first one worked on the highway at the trail head… and didn't work again for the next 90 miles. Returned it with no problem to REI and the second SPOT is working great, thus far. I also found the SPOT customer service to be very good. So while Amazon's or REI's SPOT reviews are not that great, I feel that they have fixed their issues, but ymmv.

I have it programed to send two messages:
1. Hi, It is awesome out here. Wish you were here! Having fun! Love you!
2. Hi, No phone reception out here, but everything is fine. Having great time!
(Keeps them from freaking out over un-returned calls/texts).

I also point out that my husband rides a bike on the street every weekend, and that is way more risky and yeah, I worry… but he really enjoys it and life has risks. Showering after a bike ride is really risky! But people are not rational about these things.

Can you take your sister out overnight? I take my husband out overnight and he carries almost nothing. Just his sleeping bag and pad and a sandwich and the tent fly. (I also go thru his pack and take out the 3 pairs of jeans he has sneaked in there.) We hike 3 miles to some beautiful lake and I pull out a bottle of wine and mac and cheese and dessert. AND I am so nice, I let him sit on the bear barrel, that I carried. He is a happy camper and can see why I like it.

Do you have some cheerleaders? For every naysayer, there is somebody who thinks you are brave and awesome and BadA$$. Invite those people to dinner. Your sister may realize that not everybody feels the way she does.

Get out as often as you can. The more you get out… the more normal and even "boring" it will become. A good analogy might be giving a teenage driver the car keys for the first solo drive. You can't sleep. Are a worried mess. Still worried on the 5th drive. But the 50th or 100th night out is no big deal.

My husband has gone from sending texts every hour that go, "I'm so worried. Please stop!! Please come home!!! I'm worried!" to texts every few days that go, "Great Job! See you in a few days!"

Getting older helps. I'm 55. Realistically, I might die of a heart attack or something...

I don't carry a knife or gun or taser, but that is me. I don't carry a gun or knife to the grocery store and have been more afraid of weird people in the Safeway parking lot than on the trail. I'm also not interested in the training needed.

I do carry a razor blade… but I'd have to sort thru a bag with Neosporin, Nexcare tape, hand sanitizer, tp, etc, etc, to find it. I don't keep it out, because I'd probably slash a 2 ft hole in my sleeping bag and send down and feathers flying everywhere defending myself against leaves touching my tarp. Or I'd cut my own self. Highly likely. Sad but true.

Good luck! They get over it. Mostly. Hopefully. Just shrug it off.

Denise

[Sarcasm the elf]

I'll keep my comments brief since this is the woman's forum, but please do no buy a taser for hiking, it's not an appropriate self defense measure for hiking and will land you in legal trouble in lots of states. Should you decide to carry something (and it is YOUR decision, nobody else's), get bear spray, it's legal in 50 states and effective.

[Goonky]

I've dealt with this too, so I can sympathize. The two toughest people for me are my best friend and my mom (even though I'm 47, she still worries).

The first few times out, I got a hiking partner. I think they were initially worried because I was inexperienced, which was a fair concern. Knowing I was hiking with someone helped them feel better.

Also, I've made a big effort to explain more to them. I answer any and all questions they have, and I explain all the things I'm doing to stay safe. Consider, they don't really have any idea what it's like out there. My mom actually asked if I could buy food at the shelters. I think she imagined a restaurant or store or something. She's just trying to get an image in her mind of what I'm doing.

I take lots of pictures and post them for everyone to see on facebook. This has also helped a lot. Now they can see that it's pretty and beautiful and not scary.

Now, when I go out alone, I have one of my siblings (both are very supportive) be the "point person". I text when I can from high spots and they let everyone know that I'm fine. I don't mind doing this to put everyone's mind at ease.

This summer I'll be hiking with my new dog and that has them feeling better, though he's more friendly than scary. The worst he could probably do is lick someone to death.

The next time I go out for a longer hike, I've decided that I'm going to involve my mom more. I'm going to have her mail me a bounce box. She does better when she has something to do and I think this will help her to help me. Maybe that would work for you too.

Be gentle with them. They just love you and are just afraid of the unknown. So make it less "unknown". Share everything willingly and joyfully. Educate, talk and you'll find it gets easier over time.

[Goonky]

One other thing, I saw someone with a SPOT on my last long hike and I can totally see myself doing that if/when I do a thru hike. I think they'd get a kick out of following where I was.

[Dogwood]

How do you deal with worried family members.

Lay hands on them and command the fear demon to "COME OUT!

Seriously, that's what worry is - fear! No matter what you do to assuage fear, if someone, ANYONE, including your loved family members stubbornly and ignorantly will not let go of their fear that is THEIR CHOICE. Instead of embracing faith(trust) and wisdom they have settled for a counterfeit in the form of fear. Go out and hike and DO NOT be drawn into their fear! Walk in faith(trust) and wisdom instead of accepting the counterfeit!

[Semodex]

I knew you ladies would have good advice! I like the idea of Spot. I have not heard of it, and could let my sister know when I start my hike and then message her during it. I'll probably get some bear spray too...wish I could take my dog, but she has teeny tiny Dachshund legs! I love hiking...feel safer there than at the mall. Thanks!

[DLP]

The SPOT was recommended to me by a friend and both she and her husband are national park rangers and they both have one. I was really disappointed when the first one didn't work. When I talked to the SPOT customer service about activating the 2nd SPOT, she said, "Don't worry. This one WILL work". And thus far, this new SPOT is working really well.

I took it to Hawaii and it worked there. I'm taking it back to the 90 mile stretch of the Tahoe Rim Trail this summer to see if this 2nd one still works up there. I'm not leaving a good review on REI until I've used it a year. But thus far it is doing what is supposed to do and sending comforting emails to my family saying, "Hi! I'm happy and healthy and having fun!".

You do have to warn family members that the thing IS electronic and like all electronic things, it can stop working. Or sometimes I forget and don't turn it on until lunch time. Or maybe it can't find a satellite. No SPOT email doesn't mean I'm dead. Don't assume the worst!

I also had a time where I relied on the kindness of strangers and would give a piece of paper to day hikers with my dh's phone number and explain that I didn't have phone reception or a dead battery or whatever and ask that they text him and let him know that they saw Denise and she was doing great. That also worked well. When/if you see day hikers...

But honestly, the thing to put his mind at ease the most is me just getting out there, and coming home with no horror stories.

I also agree with the above poster that photos help.

[CoffeeBager]

This may sound kind of cold/harsh, but I agree with Dogwood that their fear is their fear. It's not mine. While I can do some things to help (education, photos, etc.), I can't stop their fear. I think as women, we often want to make sure everyone else is taken care of. We often put the feelings of others before our own and spend more mental energy on assuaging their fears than doing our own preparations. I take appropriate safety precautions, preparations, and measures, and if someday I feel that a SPOT or similar device may be one of those measures, I'll take it. Right now, I don't, because that would be packing someone else's fears (not even my own). It's only very recently in our history that there's an expectation that anyone can be reached at any time, and our desire to go to places where that's not always possible runs counter to the connectedness that others may expect.

[Dogwood]

The topic of worried family members comes up often here on WB. I used to have to deal with this same issue and to some extent still do especially with one fearful parent, when I go out on hikes. It can seem quite harsh to tell a loved one or someone who is expressing their concern for me that their worry (FEAR) is unfounded or they need to trust that a higher power watches over me. I tell my parents to trust that they raised me right that I'll do the right thing and even if I don't I have to have the space to make my own mistakes. Doing that can BE DIFFICULT for some loved ones especially parents and spouses. Usually somewhere after 15 mins into this you'll get a "but, I worry about you." Then get a "I love you" thrown on top. WHY? PEOPLE MISTAKENLY EQUATE WORRYING for someone AS LOVING someone. WORRY which is FEAR in disguise IS NOT based in LOVE! This is an all too common mistake!

Now hear me right. I'm not a callous self absorbed uncaring SOB who doesn't care about people's feelings especially the feelings and concerns of loved ones. But, I've decided awhile ago I will no longer be a people pleaser to my loved ones when it comes to assuaging their fear. I'll try educating up to a pt but then if they still refuse to let go of their worry(FEAR) in spite of the love, concern, and wisdom I've just shown them it's on them to deal with their fear. People who fall victim to this scenario are typically spouses, especially women who are conditioned that they need to be always pleasing people(their husbands, significant others, children, grand children, etc) and children, especially adult children, who's parents will not allow to be adults making their own choices including mistakes.

I know all manner of buts, what ifs, ands, etc arise with this issue but much of it boils down to what I said.

Here's another example of something I've seen more times than I can recall. I've noticed children who were the biggest disrespectful self absorbed abusive scoundrels behaving repeatedly in a manner that some parents would have long ago strangled but instead CHOSE to love and be patient with. Sometimes, this parental attitude eventually turns these wayward children around to a more constructive path. I've also witnessed children who strive to be accepted by their parents by choosing to please their parents at every turn. Yet, despite these children being, by all outward appearances, accomplished, well adjusted, intelligent, charitable, responsible, etc the parent(s) are still are never satisfied with their children and may have a difficult time showing their children love. I said all this to demonstrate that despite the child's behavior parent(s) CAN STILL CHOOSE to love or not show love regardless! It's the same with fear(worry)! You can have people, including loved ones, despite you best efforts to the contrary STILL OPT for fear over faith, wisdom, and love! At some pt it is on them to live with their choices just as it is on us as individuals to realize we are responsible for our choices.

I've witnessed hikers who do the SPOT, call or email regularly, meet loved ones while on hikes, educate with statistics/facts/figures/Pie Charts/Graphs, etc etc etc and STILL a worrisome loved one STILL CHOOSES TO REMAIN IN WORRY! What's worse is that just as the saying goes "misery loves company" worry warts also enjoy the company of like minded people AND IF NOT CAREFUL the worry of a loved one will have you behaving in a worried fashion!

[Semodex]

Thank you dogwood, you've given me a lot to think about. I can't even mention hiking to my mom...she clasps her hands, sighs, uses the Lords name in vain and mentions "that poor girl who was hiking alone" (we live close to Blood Mountain) so I don't even tell her anymore.

[elkie-girl]

Thank you dogwood, you've given me a lot to think about. I can't even mention hiking to my mom...she clasps her hands, sighs, uses the Lords name in vain and mentions "that poor girl who was hiking alone" (we live close to Blood Mountain) so I don't even tell her anymore.

I don't have SPOT but would definitely buy one if I go on a longer backpacking trips, or have someone who really cares that much about me. Actually I would love Delorme inReach two-way communicator which would allow both anyone send me a message and me to respond back with a short SMS. It's not that much more expensive...

I do own a handgun and carry it when legal. It gives a huge peace of mind to both me and my partners who backpack along with me and to loved ones who stay home. There's much argument whether a gun is effective or not, whether pepper spray or a knife are more efficient tools of self-defense, and I would take a pepper spray and/or a knife if carrying a gun is not legal, or just not practical (say, when it's in a park with lots of other hikers, I would opt out for a pepper spray since concealed carry is very limited in South California and open carry is impractical around modern people).

[DLP]

I can't even mention hiking to my mom...she clasps her hands, sighs, uses the Lords name in vain and mentions "that poor girl who was hiking alone" (we live close to Blood Mountain) so I don't even tell her anymore.

Some people, it is just kinder to go with your Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy. No amount of information or statistics will stop them from worrying. So best not to start them worrying in the first place, if possible.

[Dogwood]

Again, after having attempted to assuage the worries of loved ones to a reasonable extent AND THEY STILL CHOOSE FEAR(WORRY!) it is on them. That may seem harsh but YOU ARE NOT responsible for addressing and changing other peoples thoughts, emotions, and actions OR abiding by their agenda(s) OR conditioning even if they are loved ones. THEY have to be responsible for these things - NOT YOU! They are adults and need to act like responsible adults. I warn you though EXPECT OPPOSITION when you do this!

This issue with loved ones being bound up with worry(fear!) and expecting you to adapt your life to such an extent to go along with their fear is but a microcosm of the same principle that occurs when members of social, economic, political, religious, etc classes EXPECT you to abide by the same rules and paradigms they abide by. This is unfair and disrespectful to you! Be loving, wise, considerate, respectful, and gentle with loved ones or those who express their concern for you while hiking(or doing anything else) but DO NOT buy into this idea of theirs that you have to live like them or twist your life into a knot trying to appease their worries(fears!)! Again, EXPECT OPPOSITION when you key them in on this. It's part of them AND YOU growing up!

[Dogwood]

This CAN BE unfair and disrespectful to you!

[Trillium]

Rather than a spot, I bought an iphone. Had never had a cell phone but thought that it would be good to be able to communicate while on the thru-hike. Since my parents are in their upper 80's, I am reachable in case of an emergency. I try to send a text message each day to my daughter and husband with my location and they relay on to other family members. Every one is happy.

[Semodex]

My goodness Dogwood, I love how you write! You really remind me of my daughter. She is very quiet in person, but shows her fierceness and passion when she writes. Not sure if you are quiet in person, I just love HOW you write with such feeling.

[Gaiter]

My parents were very worried until when they dropped me off, where they met another female hiker who had more experience than me, her ease helped them, then they were dropping some stuff off at my first hostel stop, they met the hostel owner, who also put them even more at ease... They never worried after that....
It also helps to let them know that you aren't just going out into the woods unprepared and uneducated...