You may be right, I may be crazy... but it just might be a lunatic you're looking for

[Bobby]

So, I'm at a pretty bad point in my life. Not the lowest, thank goodness. But I'm unemployed, my mom is throwing me out of the apartment she's been letting me live in over a big misunderstanding, I have no money, and I'm just coming off several years of horrible depression and medical issues. (Some might say, I am still pretty depressed. You say to-may-to, I say to-mah-to.)

I'm also 280 lb on a 5'8" frame. (Down from 310.) I've been walking every day pretty steadily for a few months and my legs are catching back up to "walk forever" status- I have good legs. But I pretty much expect some weight to drop on this trip.

Every fall I dream about an AT thruhike in March, and every year I reject it as a pipe dream. But this year, I feel like, it might be my year. I have always been happiest when camping and hiking; I come from a family of campers, hikers, hunters and fishermen, and while I don't get to go out as often as I want to, I have some experience. In 2005, I ran away from home with the dog and camped in Shenandoah National Park until we ran out of money- we handled things pretty well, and it was so hard to go back to dirty, boring, nasty civilization.

I feel like I need to hike it this year because it will be my anti-depression; because for once and for all, really being in the woods will reset my brain, at least for a few months, and it will answer a lot of questions for me. And, of course, because I've wanted to ever since I knew what the AT was.

Anyway! Advice. The pinchiest thing is money; my friend says she can get me a temporary job that ends in March, and I have a few odds and ends that I can do on the side, but one of my friends did a thruhike and it cost her between $5000-6000- that's a lot of dough. I've already determined that I'll need to make sure I'm comfortable on the trail in order to avoid spending a lot of time in town, which I know would be my weak point moneywise. I also know that I'll want to keep my pack light, which typically means either more money or less comfort.

I'm not planning on hiking with anyone; I'm not averse to making friends, but I'm really doing this to be with me. What I'm really looking forward to are the sunrises and sunsets; the turning a corner and finding marvelous views; the taste of M&Ms after a long hike; the sheer physical enjoyment of little things when you live in your body. I do expect to desperately need hot baths and so on every so often, but I feel like I will love the Trail too much. Love-hate. LOL.

Am I crazy? Should I put it off and save up like a good little monkey, or should I live off Ramen this year and go gung ho? Difficulty: don't give me any crap for being fat, and don't tell me how risky it is for a female to hike alone; I got that part.

I hiked the AT when i was 25 and the PCT when I was 27.
I'm 40 now - even if i wanted to, it would be almost impossible for me to go hike a long distance trail. You have the perfect opportunity to go hike the trail - focus on a spring departure and work towards that goal. Save every penny, work extra jobs, read stuff, acquire the gear you'll need, and hike as much as you can. As one gets older and involved with the rat race of life, time can be the hardest thing to come by. If you have it now, take it and run with it.

Just remember one thing that someone said to me when i was leaving on my 2nd long distance hike - "where ever you go, there you are."

In my opinion - there will be plenty of time to get a job, acquire bills, and make commitments with your time. Those opportunities will be there when you get back.

Keep in mind too - that there will always be people to tell you all the reasons why you shouldn't do something or will not be successful. Measure them for what they are and act accordingly.

As far as a cure all? eh, the sun still rises and sets regardless of where we find ourselves in life and there's no magic bullet for what ails us, but walking in the wood everyday for six months will most definitely help!

good luck and have fun!

[RCBear]

I hiked the AT when i was 25 and the PCT when I was 27.
I'm 40 now - even if i wanted to, it would be almost impossible for me to go hike a long distance trail. You have the perfect opportunity to go hike the trail - focus on a spring departure and work towards that goal. Save every penny, work extra jobs, read stuff, acquire the gear you'll need, and hike as much as you can. As one gets older and involved with the rat race of life, time can be the hardest thing to come by. If you have it now, take it and run with it.

Just remember one thing that someone said to me when i was leaving on my 2nd long distance hike - "where ever you go, there you are."

In my opinion - there will be plenty of time to get a job, acquire bills, and make commitments with your time. Those opportunities will be there when you get back.

Keep in mind too - that there will always be people to tell you all the reasons why you shouldn't do something or will not be successful. Measure them for what they are and act accordingly.

As far as a cure all? eh, the sun still rises and sets regardless of where we find ourselves in life and there's no magic bullet for what ails us, but walking in the wood everyday for six months will most definitely help!

good luck and have fun!

If I were to have only read your post and had not seen the OP, I would declare it to be great advice. Having read the original post however, I think we all need to he very careful in the encouragement to "just do it". She has made a follow up post that appears to be very much out of sync with her original. I believe that imparting what worked for us back when or now and assuming it transfers is risky to her health at best and could end up disastrous at worst if she were to act upon it. This woman has significant emotional and health issues that cant just be cured by a "walk in the woods".

The advice she needs right now needs to come from health care professionals, not folks on WB. Sometimes not hearing the news you want is for the best.

I wish her the best. That is all any of us can, or should do in this situation in my opinion.

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[Bobby]

If I were to have only read your post and had not seen the OP, I would declare it to be great advice. Having read the original post however, I think we all need to he very careful in the encouragement to "just do it". She has made a follow up post that appears to be very much out of sync with her original. I believe that imparting what worked for us back when or now and assuming it transfers is risky to her health at best and could end up disastrous at worst if she were to act upon it. This woman has significant emotional and health issues that cant just be cured by a "walk in the woods".

The advice she needs right now needs to come from health care professionals, not folks on WB. Sometimes not hearing the news you want is for the best.

I wish her the best. That is all any of us can, or should do in this situation in my opinion.

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Everyone hits low points in life. Some people call them "bottoms" and they can be used as motivation to change. Planning a hike on the AT and working on trying to carry it out seems fairly safe healthy.

What she described is a fairly common phenomena these days. She is by no means in an unusual circumstance and would perhaps benefit from some change.

As far as depressed - probably half the people we encounter on a daily basis suffer from some level of depression. Heck I bet half the people on here can identify in some way with this woman. Additionally i wouldn't be surprised if a lot of the people on here are medicated - either from a dr. or just self medicating. Pretty normal these days.

[RCBear]

Everyone hits low points in life. Some people call them "bottoms" and they can be used as motivation to change. Planning a hike on the AT and working on trying to carry it out seems fairly safe healthy.

What she described is a fairly common phenomena these days. She is by no means in an unusual circumstance and would perhaps benefit from some change.

As far as depressed - probably half the people we encounter on a daily basis suffer from some level of depression. Heck I bet half the people on here can identify in some way with this woman. Additionally i wouldn't be surprised if a lot of the people on here are medicated - either from a dr. or just self medicating. Pretty normal these days.

Im sorry but if you read her opening post and one of her followups, this is not the normal depression that people suffer due to outside environmental variables that everyone faces these days. those that have clinical depression that feature bouts of extreme mania (her follow up post) preceded by episodes of deep depression (her original), cycle through those stages regardless of oustide influences, although those factors can and do exacerbate their state of mind. Of these people, those that have fine tuned their meds over time (its a process) in order to be effective throughout the day without major swings have figured out their "system" and as long as they NEVER veer from taking them, can do amazing things. People that have not reached that state of self discipline and self caring yet are at extreme risk to bad things befalling them. I know she is still reading these comments and I dont want to add pain, but I make them not for her, but for the rest of us that want to believe that what worked for us, can work for her. It doesnt happen that way. People that suffer from mania can make themselves believe nothing can stop them from accomplishing what they want, only to come back to earth very hard in a matter of days, if not hours. They tend to be intelligent people that are very adept at finessing the support they want to hear from others. This young woman appears to be cycling through those stages quickly.

If she is not under the supervision of a qualifies health professional at the moment (and that would appear to be the case), we are potentially doing her a grave disservice by continuing to feed her kumbaya advice. This is serious business and we are being too cavalier in our posts.

I believe someone from the get go said "hell of a first post". If that is true, it does nothing but further my point, especially since she put conditions on her expected answers.

In all good consciousness, I am of the belief that for her sake, this thread be closed. Sorry for being longwinded but this is going in a bad direction.


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[Bobby]

Im sorry but if you read her opening post and one of her followups, this is not the normal depression that people suffer due to outside environmental variables that everyone faces these days. those that have clinical depression that feature bouts of extreme mania (her follow up post) preceded by episodes of deep depression (her original), cycle through those stages regardless of oustide influences, although those factors can and do exacerbate their state of mind. Of these people, those that have fine tuned their meds over time (its a process) in order to be effective throughout the day without major swings have figured out their "system" and as long as they NEVER veer from taking them, can do amazing things. People that have not reached that state of self discipline and self caring yet are at extreme risk to bad things befalling them. I know she is still reading these comments and I dont want to add pain, but I make them not for her, but for the rest of us that want to believe that what worked for us, can work for her. It doesnt happen that way. People that suffer from mania can make themselves believe nothing can stop them from accomplishing what they want, only to come back to earth very hard in a matter of days, if not hours. They tend to be intelligent people that are very adept at finessing the support they want to hear from others. This young woman appears to be cycling through those stages quickly.

If she is not under the supervision of a qualifies health professional at the moment (and that would appear to be the case), we are potentially doing her a grave disservice by continuing to feed her kumbaya advice. This is serious business and we are being too cavalier in our posts.

I believe someone from the get go said "hell of a first post". If that is true, it does nothing but further my point, especially since she put conditions on her expected answers.

In all good consciousness, I am of the belief that for her sake, this thread be closed. Sorry for being longwinded but this is going in a bad direction.


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You are making some incredibly far reaching assumptions based on a couple of posts. Instead of trying to read between the lines and psychoanalyzing her, why not just take her for who she says she is and answer her questions.

I get what you are saying, but i disagree with the extreme direction you are taking her posts. Let's not forget that these posts will probably have very little impact what what she actually does with her life - it's the freakin internet and we are in a chat room about hiking!

[HikerMom58]

You are making some incredibly far reaching assumptions based on a couple of posts. Instead of trying to read between the lines and psychoanalyzing her, why not just take her for who she says she is and answer her questions.

I get what you are saying, but i disagree with the extreme direction you are taking her posts. Let's not forget that these posts will probably have very little impact what what she actually does with her life - it's the freakin internet and we are in a chat room about hiking!

I tried to " interpret" what she is trying to communicate to all of us. I think I got it all wrong on my interpretation of her OP.
Now, I'm really confused about where she is coming from.....

This type of communication leaves much to be desired.... I tried... That's all we can do, Bobby.

[Kookork]

A manic depressive patient takes days to switch from depressive to manic not hours. She sounded like a normal person to me who has reached a bump in her life. Nothing complicated to me.She can handle either a hike or her temporary situation. We are not perfect and why should be.

[RCBear]

Sorry Bobby, I couldn't disagree with you more on this subject. There are no lines to read between. They stand out pretty sharply on their own.

And with that I will shut up. There is nothing more I can add to my earlier post. I hope sherazade finds her way and the peace and serenity that she seeks. Because sometimes, those two things to people that struggle as she does, is as good as true happiness.

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[chiefduffy]

If I were to have only read your post and had not seen the OP, I would declare it to be great advice. Having read the original post however, I think we all need to he very careful in the encouragement to "just do it". She has made a follow up post that appears to be very much out of sync with her original. I believe that imparting what worked for us back when or now and assuming it transfers is risky to her health at best and could end up disastrous at worst if she were to act upon it. This woman has significant emotional and health issues that cant just be cured by a "walk in the woods".
The advice she needs right now needs to come from health care professionals, not folks on WB. Sometimes not hearing the news you want is for the best.
I wish her the best. That is all any of us can, or should do in this situation in my opinion.

This post reminds me why I rarely go beyond the second page of a thread!! OP: get out there and HIKE!

[elmotoots]

Yes you are crazy.

You said you dream of an AT thru hike.

Being overweight and unprepared won't stop you from hiking but it will reduce your odds of completing a thru hike. Do you want to take a bigger chance on failure?

If you want to do a thru hike get a job lose some more weight, save some money. All while continuing to get your legs in shape.

If all you want to do is hike, then go hiking.

You must PREPARE YOURSELF to succeed. Or get yourself ready for the failure.

I think you could complete a thru hike. And getting ready could be over half the fun.

Sorry if my words are harsh, but you asked for opinions and this is mine.

[Onedawg]

it's the freakin internet and we are in a chat room about hiking!

Thay can't put something on the Internet that's not true.

[marshbirder]

I started obsessing about a thru-hike in 2006 when my life was hitting bottom, a true bottom. Looking back on it now, it was absolutely an attempt to escape everything and it was long before I had ever heard anyone say "everywhere you go, there you are." I tried all kinds of geographical cures for my depression and other issues. Thank god I didn't attempt a hike then. I probably wouldn't have made it more than a week and upon failing, things would have gotten worse. My bottom would have gotten much deeper and darker. Here I am several years later, back on the obsession train, but my life is *completely* different. I got help, made lots of changes in my life, and I'm ready. The longest I've ever spent hiking was three weeks on an Outward Bound course when I was a teenager, so I don't want to imply that I know anything about a thru-hike. However, to me, I think the mental challenges will be difficult enough now, as a relatively healthy adult. That being said, nature is one of my forms of therapy. I find serenity and peace in nature and it was one of the most important components of my recovery from my depression and other problems. But I did it in pieces, not setting out to hike 2100+ miles over 6 months.

I can't tell the OP what to do, especially since I haven't done a thru yet, but if I were in your shoes, I would get professional help and then take a shot at it in a couple years after I have hopefully balanced out and gotten my finances in order. My planning now, since I am truly serious about doing this, has helped me stay on track with keeping myself together and taking care of myself, mentally and physically. It could do the same for you.

YMMV

[CanadianEh]

Hi scheherazada,

I don't think it's silly for you to want to hike the AT. And I don't think it's strange that you think it might help your depression either. Exercise has been proven to be extremely effective in combating clinical depression. The problem is many people with depression can barely get out of bed let alone exercise, which is where medication can be extremely helpful. Sounds like you are on the right track in that regard and are already exercises so great!

Since you are on medication, you are obviously under the care of a physician. Have you talked to him/her about your desire to do a long distance hike? Do they have any concerns? Are you seeing a therapist as well, and if so have you discussed your desire to hike the AT with him/her? They might have some insights into your health and mental well being that could help ensure that your journey ends a positive outcome. And by "positive income" I mean that whatever the outcome is, whether you make it 200 miles or 2000 miles, you leave it feeling good about yourself.

The only advice I can give is what I would recommend to any hiker on a long distance hike (myself included). Instead of worry about making it the whole trail, focus on making it only to your destination that day. When you get there celebrate! Your long term goal really should only be to make it to the next town. Throw a mini-party for yourself when you get there - you did great! Only then start worrying about the next town as a brand new adventure. Why stress about what is coming a month down the road? It only distracts from the enjoyment of the now.

That said, it is smart to be a bit fiscally prudent. Set aside some money before you leave that you absolutely will *not* spend on the trail. This is your "starting over" money once you are done. It might be for rent, for food, just money to keep you on your feet until you secure employment when you get back. When you complete your AT adventure you might feel a huge mix of emotions, including a bit of a "hangover" returning to the real world. Heck, I find I have this after 5 days in the backcountry. If you combine that feeling with being flat out broke and needing to be dependent on friends / family, well, I can't imagine that would help anyone's mood.

Good luck!

[Kookork]

Hi scheherazada,

I don't think it's silly for you to want to hike the AT. And I don't think it's strange that you think it might help your depression either. Exercise has been proven to be extremely effective in combating clinical depression. The problem is many people with depression can barely get out of bed let alone exercise, which is where medication can be extremely helpful. Sounds like you are on the right track in that regard and are already exercises so great!

Since you are on medication, you are obviously under the care of a physician. Have you talked to him/her about your desire to do a long distance hike? Do they have any concerns? Are you seeing a therapist as well, and if so have you discussed your desire to hike the AT with him/her? They might have some insights into your health and mental well being that could help ensure that your journey ends a positive outcome. And by "positive income" I mean that whatever the outcome is, whether you make it 200 miles or 2000 miles, you leave it feeling good about yourself.

The only advice I can give is what I would recommend to any hiker on a long distance hike (myself included). Instead of worry about making it the whole trail, focus on making it only to your destination that day. When you get there celebrate! Your long term goal really should only be to make it to the next town. Throw a mini-party for yourself when you get there - you did great! Only then start worrying about the next town as a brand new adventure. Why stress about what is coming a month down the road? It only distracts from the enjoyment of the now.

That said, it is smart to be a bit fiscally prudent. Set aside some money before you leave that you absolutely will *not* spend on the trail. This is your "starting over" money once you are done. It might be for rent, for food, just money to keep you on your feet until you secure employment when you get back. When you complete your AT adventure you might feel a huge mix of emotions, including a bit of a "hangover" returning to the real world. Heck, I find I have this after 5 days in the backcountry. If you combine that feeling with being flat out broke and needing to be dependent on friends / family, well, I can't imagine that would help anyone's mood.

Good luck!

Hi CanadianEH
Welcome to WhiteBlaze and wish you to see around. If this is your third comment on this forum then I want to see hundreds more.

[CanadianEh]

Hi CanadianEH
Welcome to WhiteBlaze and wish you to see around. If this is your third comment on this forum then I want to see hundreds more.

Thanks Kookork! You just made my morning.

[Butterfly58]

I missed the post where she said she has "extreme bouts of mania." Was a post deleted or is someone playing doctor on here? I went back and read all 3 of her posts and missed it. Could someone please point me to that post or highlight where she said it?

[quasarr]

Am I crazy? Should I put it off and save up like a good little monkey, or should I live off Ramen this year and go gung ho? Difficulty: don't give me any crap for being fat, and don't tell me how risky it is for a female to hike alone; I got that part.

I 100% agree with Slo-go'en. Your concerns are misplaced! There is a lot of BS online and in person about female hikers, but most of it comes from people who: A. aren't female, and B. never hike. So how the heck would they know anything? I have hiked and traveled solo for months at a time, all over the world. And take my word for it, the AT is a safe environment for you to hike alone. As for being overweight, that won't matter if you can do the miles.

But MONEY is a HUGE issue! There are some people who are true hobos and just want to spend every night in the woods, maybe pay $3 for a shower at a camp ground every now and then. But if this is not you, then you will need to save a lot of money. Trust me, you don't want to be the only hiker who can't visit a bar or restaurant. You don't want to debate over whether you can pay $5.50 for a milkshake when it's blazing hot out and everyone else is getting one. You don't want to wear the same ripped up shoes for another 200 miles because you can't afford a new pair.

I say, save your money now so you can spend it on the trail.

[RCBear]

I think its fair to say at this point that any further comments on this thread are for our purposes only. The OP is long gone and im pretty sure is on to her next adventure planning on another forum. We catered to something that never really existed in the first place.

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